Missing You This Day

Never have I felt so lonely,

So helpless,

As I have today.

Never have I cried for another

In frustration,

As I have today.

Never have I longed for one’s company

So desperately,

As I have today.

Today is the day

I miss you.

I am alone

And for the first time in my life,

I do not want to be.

I want my love to be here

Or I to be there.

So long as we are together.

I want to hear you laugh,

See you smile.

I want to smell your beautiful aroma

And feel your touch.

I want to love you in deed,

As well as in thought.

I want you to understand how

Lonely

I am.

Lonely, helpless, frustrated, longing.

This should convince you of my love.

See me as I weep like a child

At his dead mother’s grave.

See me as I stand alone,

Reaching for you.

Digging, clawing

In the muddy mound for what can not be had.

In this cold, desolate autumn wasteland

See me drowning in my lake of self-pity

Screaming at an unanswered echo,

Being bashed against a rocky shore,

Bleeding in the churning waters,

Mingling with its fury —

The fury of my turmoil.

Help me.

Only memories and future optimism

Keep me alive.

How I yearn for you,

Oh how I wish we could be together,

Forever,

So these separations would not be.

Oh how I want to sweep you from your

Home and run the winds

With your love, leaving rules behind.

I dream of the day we can finally be

You and I,

Until then, I will

Miss you,

As I do on this day.

 BRK

October 10, 1990